Not So Perfect After All
by embrace-the-deception
Summary: Everyone has their own little faults. Some are more dangerous than others. Nick thought his boyfriend was perfect, but maybe Jeff wasn't so perfect after all. Themes of abuse, violence, attempted rape. Also rated for language, underage drinking. ONESHOT


**Everyone has their own little faults. Some are more dangerous than others. Nick thought his boyfriend was perfect, but maybe Jeff wasn't so perfect after all. Themes of abuse and violence, almost-rape, language/swearing, drinking. Rated T but I would say it's kind of in between T and M. Take that how you will.**

**I don't even know where this came from, it's kind of random and weird but I had the sudden urge to write it so I did. The ending is a little far-fetched and unlikely but that's kind of how it needed to be. Just go with it?**

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><p>Nick was pretty sure he kind of liked Jeff. For a long time he was pretty sure of that. A couple of years, in fact. But he never thought his feelings would be reciprocated, nor that they would ever lead to something, nor that he would ever fall in love.<p>

Like turned to love fairly quickly after Jeff finally confessed and they decided to start dating.

How could he not love Jeff? The boy seemed to be perfect. He was kind, thoughtful, amazing, hot, caring, considerate, a gentleman. And Nick was still surprised that Jeff even wanted to go out with him. Nick was the quiet, shy type, never really noticeable enough to be memorable. Always flying just under the radar. Jeff on the other hand was at the top of the social hierarchy at Dalton, always partying and having fun. To find out that Jeff not only noticed him but wanted to be his boyfriend surprised the quiet brunette to no end. He was sure he would never get over that shock.

But with every person there were the flaws. And Nick didn't mind most of Jeff's 'flaws' – in fact, he quite liked what Jeff didn't like about himself. The tendency to ramble when nervous, the way he saw maths as a type of unintelligible foreign language, his hyperactivity when excited which sometimes ended badly. And Jeff liked much of Nick's own 'flaws' – the scar on his back from being shoved into a chain-link fence when he was younger, his quirky half-smile, his inability to understand football.

But there was one flaw that Nick grew to be afraid of.

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><p>Dragging his boyfriend of two months towards their dorm, Nick rolled his eyes as he searched for their room key in his pocket. They'd just been at a Warbler party to celebrate their Sectionals' tie and while Nick hadn't drunk, Jeff had very quickly descended into what could only be called 'utterly wasted'. As it was, the blonde was mumbling under his breath about pretty lights as Nick attempted to unlock their door. Finally he managed to get them both inside, dropping Jeff unceremoniously onto his bed before returning to the door to lock it. He was about to turn back when he felt Jeff come up behind him, unsteady, and wrap his arms around his waist.<p>

"Hey," he said quietly in Nick's ear, making the brunette shiver.

"Hey yourself."

"I love you."

And even though this was the first time Jeff had ever said that to him and he was completely hammered, Nick couldn't help but smile.

"Love you too."

"Mmm…" Jeff mumbled "Come with me."

The blonde tugged on Nick's waist and pulled him towards the bed. Nick didn't protest , twisting in Jeff's grip to kiss him – and the fluttery feeling never went away, even when the guy tasted like alcohol and was almost ready to pass out on him. Nick still loved it.

Jeff however, had other ideas. He kissed back briefly before turning and roughly pushing the brunette away from him. The back of his legs hit the edge of the bed and Nick fell onto his back. While he was surprised into stillness, Jeff crawled on top of him and kissed him hard on the mouth, flooding Nick's mouth with the bitter taste of alcohol again. The brunette tensed, unused to this intensity – Jeff had agreed to take it slowly due to Nick's dislike of invasion of his personal space. He'd had to deal with bullying a lot of his life and didn't like people getting too close to him. Jeff had understood and agreed to limit themselves to chaste, gentle kisses. This was everything Nick didn't want or liked and when he finally got his senses back he pushed at Jeff's chest. The close proximity was enough to scare him and make his own chest constrict. There was no way he was ready for this. Jeff didn't seem to get the message, kissing him harder before trailing his mouth down to the brunette's neck and biting at the skin. Nick pushed harder, jerking his knee up to catch Jeff in the groin. He didn't want to hurt him but the jolt was enough to make the blonde shove away from Nick and swear in pain. He stumbled back a pace and Nick scrambled to his feet.

"Jeff?"

"Fuck off!" Jeff swore, swinging out his fist.

Nick wasn't prepared for it. Jeff's fist connected with the side of his face and sent him sprawling to the ground, pain blossoming along his jaw and cheek. The brunette lay on the floor, hand to his face, staring in shock. Jeff glared at him for a moment before his expression softened and he dropped to his knees beside his boyfriend.

"Oh God, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I'm sorry," he rambled, reaching a hand out to cup Nick's face where he'd punched him. Nick's hand dropped to the floor as Jeff carefully pressed against where there would be a bruise tomorrow, the brunette wincing.

"I'm sorry, please forgive me, I didn't mean to, I swear," Jeff pleaded, eyes filled with regret and sorrow. Nick swallowed and nodded.

"It's okay," he said, getting to his feet and pulling Jeff with him "Come on, you should get some sleep, it's late."

Jeff nodded like an obedient child and trotted towards his bed before pausing and turning to face his boyfriend, holding out his hand. Nick sighed and walked over, letting Jeff pull him into his arms. They curled up together on the bed, Nick's back against the blonde's chest, arms tight around him. As his face began to ache where he'd been hit Nick hoped this would never happen again – it was terrifying and he'd had no idea Jeff had it in him. And despite the fact he was drunk, Nick believed Jeff was sorry.

So he forgot the whole matter and when he was asked about the bruise the next day, he told people he'd run into the doorframe when trying to get his boyfriend back to their dorm.

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><p>It didn't happen again. At least, not for a good while. Jeff got drunk a couple of times but nothing happened, and Nick began to think that it had been a once off.<p>

Until the night that still haunted him and probably would for the rest of his life.

Jeff was drunk again and Nick was dragging him towards their dorm. From experience he'd gained he managed to open the door fairly quickly and get them both inside the room without anyone collapsing or passing out. Jeff was particularly wasted this night, having spent most of the night at a friend's party that he'd dragged Nick to where he'd downed enough alcohol to kill a bear. He was almost unintelligible as Nick locked the door and laid him down on his bed carefully.

As Nick moved away the blonde reached out and grabbed him by the front of his shirt, pulling him back. The brunette was shocked back to the last time this had happened as Jeff claimed his mouth forcefully, holding him in place with his hands around Nick's chest. Nick tried to push away but Jeff flipped them over, pinning him down and continuing to kiss him. As Jeff worked quickly to remove the other boy's t-shirt, Nick began to feel physically sick. He couldn't deal with the hands touching him, the closeness of their bodies, the sickening taste of alcohol in his mouth, the memories resurfacing…

_One pinning his arms behind his back._

_One with the knife._

_Cutting his shirt away with a cruel smirk._

_Stripping him down to his boxers._

_Beating him senseless._

_Tossing him in the dumpster._

_Leaving him there in the winter cold._

_Too cold, too scared to move._

_Two hours until he was found, bruised and battered and frozen._

"Jeff, stop," he said shakily as the blonde's hands trailed down his bare chest and his mouth became occupied with biting at his neck – hard. Nick squeaked in pain and tried harder to shove Jeff away from him. But Jeff was having none of it this time, straddling his hips to keep him pinned to the bed, one hand moving to try and keep Nick's hands above his head, the other wandering down the brunette's chest. Nick fought harder, bucking and trying to get his hands free but it did no good. Jeff's grip tightened and he lifted his head to kiss Nick almost gently on the lips.

"I love you."

"Jeff, please, you're scaring me, please stop," Nick begged, twisting his head away and wishing he could just get away from the hand on his chest. Get away from that feeling, the one making him want to be sick.

Jeff growled in Nick's ear, low and dangerous, "I'm gonna fuck you. I'm gonna fuck you 'til you scream."

"This isn't you Jeff, please…" he was shut up by Jeff grinding his hips down on his and electricity shot through his body, making him gasp in surprise.

"See, you want it," Jeff said in a harsh, low tone "I'll give you what you want."

And then Jeff's free hand was wandering further down than his chest, fumbling with the buttons on his jeans, Nick still fighting his grip on his hands.

"Jeff! Stop it! Please, stop!" he yelled loudly, almost on the verge of tears as the blonde finally managed to get the brunette's jeans undone.

"Shut up," Jeff growled, breath reeking of alcohol, eyes glazed over.

There was a knock at the door and Jeff paused, glaring down at Nick in a way that terrified him.

"You guys okay in there?" a worried voice called that Nick instantly recognised as one of their next-door hallmates.

Nick knew this might be his only chance so before Jeff could respond he shouted out, "David! DAVID!"

"Nick?" David called as the wall shuddered from the boy's impact on the door.

Jeff muttered something under his breath and pulled back, sliding off his boyfriend and grabbing him before shoving him to the ground. Nick hit the floor hard, panting and trying to scramble to his feet. Before he could Jeff grabbed his shoulders and spun him a second before slamming his fist into the brunette's face. As Nick collapsed, not even fighting the tears anymore, Jeff yanked him up by the hair and screamed at him.

"Fuck you! FUCK YOU!"

Nick would forever be grateful that David was on the football team. It was his built-up strength that got David through the door just as Jeff was about to punch the terrified brunette again. Jeff paused in the few seconds it took David to understand the scene in front of him. The boy intervened faster than Nick could see – his head was still spinning – and ran forward to grab Jeff and pull him away. He wasn't quite quick enough to stop Jeff from throwing Nick down to the floor, head hitting the floorboards with a crack. David fought with Jeff for a moment, dodging a swing and managing to pin his arms behind him, shouting in his ear.

"Jeff! What the fuck? Calm the hell down!"

Others in the hall had heard the commotion and come to see what was going on. Some were gathered in the door – confused freshmen – while others saw the scene and rushed to help. Cameron and Thad went to help pin Jeff down, forcing him to his knees and stopping him from going anywhere. A sophomore was sent to find a teacher. Two boys ran into the room to where Nick was trying to sit upright, tears still falling and ears ringing.

"Nick, hey, look at me," a worried but calm voice said and Nick tried to focus blurry eyes on Blaine's face.

A hand on his back that was supposed to be comforting felt entirely different and Nick shouted, "Don't touch me!" Wes jumped back and another boy moved in to help, pushing Blaine aside to talk to Nick.

"Nick? I know it hurts, I just need you to calm down for me," Kurt said, sounding secure and knowing "Breathe, okay? In and out. Just breathe."

Nick coughed and tried to do as he was told, choking a little as he attempted to breathe normally. He was still crying and felt weak, pain radiating from his head every time he moved. As Jeff's abuse to the boys holding him back died down a little, Nick began to breathe a little easier.

Soon others joined the group hovering in the doorway, the people that were needed. Two of the teachers took the fighting, angry Jeff from the Warblers keeping him in place and took him out of the room as the friendly, calm voice of the nurse replaced Kurt's.

"Nick, honey? Can you tell me what happened? Where does it hurt?"

"H-head," Nick choked out, jerking away as a gentle hand touched his face "D-Don't touch me!"

"I just want to make it stop hurting, okay?" the redheaded woman said "I'm not going to hurt you, I promise. All of that's over. Can you let me help you feel better?"

Nick was silent for a moment apart from his tears before nodding slightly. But just as the woman moved to inspect the damage done to his head he felt the somewhat familiar sensation of nausea wash over him.

"Oh God, I'm gonna be…" he trailed off and due to quick-thinking on Wes's part, promptly threw up into the bin held in front of him. He was sick once more before he felt the nausea pass and, shaking, he remembered his jeans were still unbuttoned. He moved trembling hands to fix them and the nurse spoke carefully.

"Honey, what did he do?"

"H-He didn't… didn't…" the words were so hard to get out "Almost."

"Okay, we're going to get you downstairs to fix you up," the nurse said "Can one of you boys call the hospital?"

Kurt pulled out his phone and made the call. As he spoke quietly in the background, the remaining boys and the nurse tried to convince Nick to let them help him stand up and get downstairs. After much argument and screaming whenever someone attempted to get him upright, Nick finally hauled himself to his feet, swaying dangerously. A few minutes later and he was doing his best to get down the stairs with his entourage, Kurt behind them still on the phone. By the time they reached the ground floor Nick felt like he was going to pass out or throw up again – his body decided on the latter and he fell to his knees as he retched, but there was nothing more to come up. An ambulance was apparently waiting outside as a paramedic was soon at his side asking him questions.

As Nick told the guy where to shove it when he put a hand on his shoulder, a shudder ran through him and his body finally decided to switch from throwing up to passing out.

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><p>The hospital was a blur of white and haze, questions and careful prodding to which he reacted with shoves and shouting. In the end the staff were forced to sedate him if they were going to get anything done. For two days Nick was out like a light and when he finally awoke it was to worry from both his family and friends.<p>

His parents had known about his relationship with Jeff but were stunned to find out he was a violent drunk. His older sister was prepared to beat the crap out of the kid and his younger brother was more than ready to help her. She was serious about it too – she asked him where she could find him, where he lived. But Nick just shook his head.

The Warblers and his other friends from school were almost constantly by his side when his family wasn't. Kurt empathised and did his best to convince Nick that it wasn't his fault; it would never be his fault. David came by and Nick thanked him, crying again as he realised that if the senior hadn't been there that it could have been much worse. Everyone came to check on him, find out what had happened and how he was doing.

They were all shocked to find out what Jeff was like when he was drunk. None of them had had any idea, they said, else they would have warned Nick. But the brunette didn't blame them – he wasn't sure he blamed anybody. Himself a little, for not being strong enough to fight Jeff off. Jeff a little, for being a dick. But no one in particular was at fault in his mind.

Jeff didn't come by – he was too busy being questioned about what he'd done. When Nick said that he wasn't going to press charges there was an outcry among his friends and family but he was adamant. It wasn't truly Jeff's fault. It was the alcohol. And he believed that the boy deserved a second chance, especially after hearing how distraught he was when he'd sobered up and been told what he'd done.

And so two weeks after the incident Nick was free from hospital, cleared by the resident psychologist, and Jeff was released without charge. He was given a warning and they all knew it would be on his record forever along with the underage drinking issue, but Nick was just glad that the blonde was okay and not in trouble. The others thought he was crazy but they didn't say it.

When they both returned to school, the Warblers would keep Nick away from Jeff at all opportunities. Nick would catch his eye and the blonde would walk towards him, eyes sad, ready to say something, and then the group would jump in and cut him off, shooting him angry looks. And then there would be even more sorrow and regret in Jeff's eyes as Nick was swept away.

Finally, after days of defence, the Warblers slacked off for a few minutes and when they realised it was too late – Nick had disappeared. And while they searched frantically for him, he and Jeff were outside in the snowy winter grounds, walking side by side in silence.

"I know it'll never make up for what I did, but for what it's worth, I'm sorry," Jeff said quietly, breath a puff of smoke in the air. Nick nodded, "I know."

Jeff glanced over at him, "I didn't even realise what I was doing… And that's not an excuse, just a fact. I can't excuse what I did, drunk or not. I just want you to know that I _never _meant to hurt you at all. I-I…"

Nick paused and looked at him, stopping his slow walk, "What?"

Jeff stared at the ground as he halted beside him, "I was going to say I love you, but it's a little late and after what I did…"

He looked up and continued, tears collecting in his eyes and Nick just wanted to hug him, but he'd promised himself he'd stay strong and not give in, so he stood there stiffly as Jeff talked.

"I don't want you to say it's okay, or that you're going to be fine. I don't even want you to forgive me. I am a horrible person and I _hurt_ you. I probably would have done… _more_… if David hadn't stepped in. I just want you to know that I'm not going to drink anymore. I don't ever want to be that person again. I-It's awful. And… I want to say that I love you, but-"

He was cut off by Nick breaking his promise and moving closer to kiss him gently on the forehead. Jeff pushed him away – carefully – and stared, "What are you doing?"

"I know you said you don't want me to, but I do forgive you Jeff. You deserve a second chance as much as anyone," Nick replied.

"That wasn't the first time I hurt you."

"I know. But I believe you when you say you're going to stop drinking and that you're going to change. If I walked away now, everyone would commend me but I would regret it for the rest of my life."

"Why?"

Jeff sounded so hurt and broken that Nick rested a hand on his shoulder – hesitantly; he still wasn't entirely okay with contact yet – and smiled slightly.

"Because I love you and I know we can make it work. I'm willing to give it a chance if you are."

"You should be running as fast as you can away from me," Jeff said miserably.

"I probably should, "Nick conceded "But I can't. I can't always run. This time I'm going to face it and help you fix it. If I leave now, it's like giving up on you and I can't do that. I know you can change. I know you don't want to hurt me. I'm going to stick by you and we're going to work through our issues together – your violence, my boundaries… We _can _do this."

"I can't promise that I won't slip up though," Jeff said desperately "I can't promise that. I don't want to hurt you again Nick. I can't live with myself as it is."

Nick took his hands and held them firmly, knowing he was doing the right thing for the long-run, "I am going to help you. All of us are. I think we're going to be okay."

Jeff smiled at him weakly, "Really?"

"Yeah, I think we are."

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><p><strong>Is the last part as unlikely as I think it is? <strong>

**Review?**


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